This article is a continuation from the previous newsletter on the topic of “What is Home?”. If you haven’t read the first part, you can find it here. I’ve been reflecting on some of the elements that fell into place and became my companions in the search for my true home. The following five “states of being” felt like anchors that I could rely on again and again:
For many years I’ve struggled with a sense of isolation and disconnectedness. Even when I was with people, I felt imprisoned, unable to sink into relatedness that linked us. I could attribute this “problem” to numerous reasons, such as a childhood trauma of being a refugee, the fact that my family moved every two to three years, or it could be due to my introverted nature. However, knowing the reasons didn’t help me.
Deep down I felt the possibility of experiencing deep connection and belonging, so I embarked on a journey of self development and healing. As I walked deeper into myself and felt into interrelational spaces, I experienced deeper connections with my friends and family. I now enjoy fulfilling, rich and interesting connections, relationships and partnerships.
In my early twenties, I read a book written by Paulo Coelho called “The Alchemist”. It’s a novel that follows the journey of a boy who learns to listen to his heart and who follows his dreams. I’ve never read anything like that before. The book ignited my soul and for the first time in my life, I allowed my heart and my curiosity to lead me. I felt strongly drawn to psychology, self-development and the exploration of my inner terrains. I enrolled myself in a university to study Spiritual Psychology.
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” Rumi
A vision of my soul’s calling emerged in my early 30’s. It had to do with healing collective wounds and traveling with a group of people to different countries to attend to cultural wounds. It didn’t make much sense at the time and I didn’t know how I was “going to get there”. So, I typed it into my computer, shared it with a friend and put it to rest.
Seven months ago, I heard of a project that touched the deepest part of my being. The vision that I wrote out 8 years ago all of a sudden came into my life. This project was calling forth people who wanted to research and work on the integration of collective and intergenerational traumas!!! I knew I was going to do it! However, as much as I wanted to jump in, I told myself: “I am not ready. I’ll apply for this project in a year or two”. Luckily, with the encouragement of my dear friends, I submitted my application and got admitted into the program.
Now I am part of a community of global citizens who share a beautiful vision for humanity. Together we are practicing and learning how to integrate not only our personal past but also collective traumas. The unintegrated parts of such atrocities as slavery, genocides, wars and many more historical events are asking for our attention. I believe that together we can open up to new possibilities and prevent harmful cycles of war and violence from impacting us in the future.
My senses open up when I am in nature. I enjoy breathing in the sweetness of roses and taking in the beauty of delicate flowers. I smile when in the morning I see dew sparkle like diamonds on blades of grass. I feel recharged, when I am laying on grass and the weight of my body is held by the earth. Often times, when I walk in my local park, a sense of “All is well in my life” descends upon me.
I do my best to relate to my body with loving kindness. I practice embracing my body as it is; letting go of wishing for some parts to be bigger, others smaller, some tighter and others flatter.
My body offers me a physical home that I inhabit more fully with every deeper breath I take, with every asana that reveals to my tight spots, with every dance that evokes grief, joy and other emotions. Ultimately, being in my body helps me to feel alive.