I’ve been reflecting on some of the elements that fell into place and became my companions in the search for my true home. The following five “states of being” felt like anchor, something I could come back to again and again:
For many years I’ve struggled with a sense of isolation and disconnectedness. Even when I was with people, I felt imprisoned, unable to sense the relatedness that I knew inextricably connected us. I could attribute this “problem” to numerous reasons, such as a childhood trauma of being a refugee, the fact that my family moved every two to three years, or it could be due to my introverted nature. However, knowing the reasons didn’t help me.
Deep down I felt the possibility of experiencing deep connection and belonging, so I embarked on a journey of self development. As I walked deeper into myself and allowed myself to heal, I experienced deeper connections with myself, with my friends and family. New possibilities opened up where none existed before. I can’t say that I feel deeply connected all the time, which would be impossible, but I CAN say that the possibility of fulfilling and rich connections, relationships and partnerships have turned into reality.
In my early twenties, I read a book written by Paulo Coelho called “The Alchemist”. It’s a novel that follows the journey of a boy who learns to listen to his heart and who follows his dreams. I’ve never read anything like that before. The book ignited my soul and for the first time in my life, I allowed my heart and my curiosity to guide me. I felt strongly drawn to psychology and the exploration of my inner terrains. After a few years of reading this book, I moved from Michigan to California and enrolled myself into a university to study Spiritual Psychology.
A vision of my soul’s calling emerged in my early 30’s. I got a glimpse of my future and it was linked with healing collective wounds, traveling with people to different countries, attending to global tensions. It didn’t make much sense at the time and I didn’t know how I was going to “get there”. So, I typed the message into my computer, shared it with a friend, who got inspired and then put it to rest.
In January of 2017, I heard of a project called the Pocket Project that touched me deeply and resonated with my soul. The vision that I wrote out 8 years prior, all of a sudden turned into reality. This project invited people who wanted to research and heal collective and intergenerational traumas!!! I knew this was it!
However, as much as I wanted to jump in, I told myself: “I am not ready. I don’t have what it takes. I’ll apply for this project in a year or two”. Luckily, with the support and encouragement of my soul friends, who listened to my doubts and fears, I submitted my application. And yes, I got admitted into the program! 🙂
Now I am part of a community of global citizens who share a beautiful vision for humanity. Together we are practicing and learning how to integrate, not only our personal past but also collective traumas. The unintegrated parts of such atrocities as slavery, genocides, wars and many more historical events that are asking for our attention. I believe that together we can open up to new possibilities and co-create a different kind of a future for generations to come.
My senses open up when I am in nature. I enjoy breathing in the sweetness of roses and taking in the beautiful spectrum of colors of the ocean. I smile, when in the morning, I see dew sparkle like diamonds on blades of grass. I feel recharged, when I am laying on grass and the weight of my body melts into the earth. Often times, when I walk in my local park, a feeling of peacefulness and a sense of “all is well in my life” descends upon me.
I do my best to relate to my body with loving kindness. I practice embracing my body as it is; letting go of wishing for some parts to be bigger, others smaller, some tighter and others flatter.
My body offers me a physical home that I inhabit more fully with every day; with every deeper breath I take, with every yoga asana that reveals my tight spots, with every dance that evokes various emotions from within. On some days, when I look at myself in the mirror, I can honestly say “I love my body!”. Ultimately, being in my body makes me feel alive.