Relating To the Gap Between You and Belonging

 

The sense of not belonging is usually accompanied by a visceral feeling of being excluded: from a family, from “larger” society, from culture, from communities, etc.

Touching this part inside of us might bring up a host of feelings, sensations, and memories. No wonder many of us focus our attention on belonging and community building and we push away the discomfort associated with “not belonging”.

What of instead you became an apprentice to this alive organism of “not belonging”; embracing every piece that she contains with tenderness:

Honoring the disconnectedness
Honoring the pain
Honoring the sorrow
Honoring the lostness

 

As you walk this path, the dense energy will start to loosen, melt, give way, open, and yield through your body into a greater river of mystery that is holding you, me and all of us.

 


On my journey to belonging, I discovered that “not belonging” was so familiar to me, that I couldn’t even locate belonging in my own body.

Belonging felt outside of me. It was something I was reaching for but couldn’t grasp. With practice, triad explorations, healing work, movement and dance classes, I feel belonging in my body now.

Here’s one practice you can experiment with:

Your journey to belonging might look different from mine, but here are some steps you can take to move in the direction of your unique path:

  1. Honor the gap between you and belonging
  2. Start to explore and unpack the content of this gap:
  • There is no need to force yourself into belonging, but rather become curious about what lives in the space of “not belonging”.
  • You could take a sheet of paper and draw yourself, then the circle of belonging, where you wish yourself to be.
  • Start to approach this gap gently, giving expression through movement, writing, drawing, painting, singing, etc.
  • If you can do this practice in relation with a person you feel safe with, even better.
  • Start to inhabit this gap between you and belonging. Start to embody the pieces, the fragments, the feelings, the disconnectedness…whatever it is that you discover on your way

Remember this is a journey and a process, so don’t expect this practice to change your life overnight.

Also, this exploration could include intergenerational pattern of “not belonging”, of displacement, of trauma, etc, so be gentle with your explorations and reach out for support when you need it.

Be open to the possibility that this part of you holds a marvelous gift that you are yet to discover.


If this sounds interesting, let’s set up a time to chat to address your specific situation.  

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