HOW BEING IN CONTROL CAN PREVENT YOU FROM RECEIVING SUPPORT

When you are used to holding everything together and being in control, Life can feel burdensome. You might feel like you are all alone, facing difficulties by yourself and there is no one around to rely on.

At the same time, letting go of control seems impossible.

You might feel like it’s a sign of failure or weakness.

You might even pride yourself on being self-sufficient. You see yourself as a competent and strong woman.

All of those qualities are great to cultivate; however, they often times cover up an identity that limits you.

The state of self sufficiency can limit your capacity to receive support and realize your fullest potentials.

Being in control will prevent you from taking risks. It will prevent you from expanding into bigger life because you think you can only rely on your resources “to get by in life” or “to make it happen”.

You see…support flows to a person who is receptive to it.

I invite you to take a breath and feel compassion for yourself as you continue reading.

“It takes some training to equate complete letting go with comfort. But, in fact, ‘nothing to hold on to’ is the root of happiness. There’s a sense of freedom when we accept that we’re not in control. This may lead to a don’t-know-what-to-do kind of feeling, a sense of being caught in between.” Pema Chodron

When you look underneath the pattern of self sufficiency, you’ll most likely find a younger version of yourself. She mostly likely felt under supported or not supported at all by her caregivers or parents. She learned to become self-sufficient as a way of surviving in her family and the world.

Relying on Life, higher power, seen or unseen forces, felt like a fluffy fairytale. Relying on people felt impossible or very difficult to do. You only reach out in extreme cases, when you REALLY need support.

Keep in mind, sometimes these pattern run deep in the family, so it’s not just a personal issue. Get up, go to school or work, stay busy all day. Repeat the next day. Sound familiar?

When I was growing up, my parents had a lot to deal with. We moved from country to country after loosing nearly everything when we became refugees. There were numerous challenges to navigate not only for me, but also for my parents. Here’s what they needed to learn: a new language, how to drive a car, how to go to the bank, how to find jobs that didn’t require fluency in English and much more.

Being a highly sensitive child, I sensed my parents’ massive stress and their overwhelm, so I unconsciously made a decision not to burden them with my problems.

 

I decided that I was going to manage “my own life”. And I did, the best way I knew how.

I suppressed my own overwhelm. I didn’t allow myself to fall apart. I didn’t allow myself to feel either.

As I embarked on my healing journey, I found myself being unglued and emotions that I suppressed finally saw the day of light. I was also suppressing a LOT of fear. As the layers melted, I experienced more flexibility and openness in my body. I consciously invited more ease into my life.

When you start to release beliefs that you took on as a child or inherited from your lineage, (i.e. “you have to fight for what you want” , “life is a struggle”, “I am alone”) you can breathe more freely.

 

Then, your experience of life becomes different. Life doesn’t feel so stressful or burdensome.

You become more open to possibilities. You start to have an embodied experience of being supported.

One thing I learned along the way, is that your spirit guides, angels and divine presence are ALWAYS available. All they need from you is: to be asked for their help.

Now I invite you to allow yourself to feel supported. Even, if this starts with a simple practice of being aware of the support that the chair is offering you in this very moment.

If you go for a walk in the park, receive the support of nature, such as feeling the warmth of the sunshine or taking in the beauty of a flower.

If you want to go an extra mile, ask a friend or a family member for something you need. Start out small and build your way into something that might feel “outlandish” or “too much to ask for”.

Comment below and let me know what action step you took! I’d love to hear from you!

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